Ok, I was determined I would not follow social norms. I would be polite and use my best communication skills, diplomacy and patience in all interactions with my partner’s family.
You know how you hear stories of ‘horror in-laws’… Well, I always thought people were being precious and slightly selfish for not getting along with people. I wasn’t going to be like these people.
However, as I’m not aiming for sainthood and as displacement of my personhood has always brought out the fighter in me, I realise that I cannot do it. I cannot get on with his family.
Oh, yes! I forgot to mention: I have a disability and, as no other people I have met before, his family have become FIXATED with this “physical” characteristic of mine. They see me only through the lens or, in their cases, lenses of disability. There must be enough “lenses” between them and me to stop a nuclear war-head. (I know that “nuclear war-heads” are now a bit passé and I’m showing my age. Perhaps I could up-date the metaphor by speculating that the “lenses” might even provide insulation from “weapons of mass destruction”). Thick……..these “lenses” are multiple and super thick!
One by one they have managed to do things that can only be categorised as anti-social. We’re not just talking the odd faux pas. No, no, these are major insults ranging from the fact that I might not be able to eat solid foods to a suggestion that my partner, when away for work, was away for ‘respite’ (Although I [through my workers] actually do most of the washing, ironing {that too} etcetera.).
So I have decided to say, “I tried” and to remove myself from all communication with them.
Monday, 30 July 2007
A Real Live One……
Blog post for the week of13 July… Woow Friday the 13th and it feels like it. Having been in hospital since Tuesday, today I had my suspicions confirmed: I was being treated for pain but the cause was poorly identified. Well, you could say ‘wrongly’ as different parts of the body are “different parts of the body”.
However, my doctor is good and believes in working with other people. This is how another doctor became involved. This was a “real live one” – someone who I met many years and who has had many, many, many years of experience treating people with my disability.
This doctor performed the gentlest examination I have ever had and declared the excruciating pain to be a bilateral copying of a condition I already had on the other side. Of course, this makes perfect sense to me as when the pain and degeneration started on the other, the symptoms were exactly the same.
Later in the day, the diagnosis was confirmed by x-rays. If it is possible, the x-ray confirmation of the “real live one’s” diagnosis was almost anti-climatic as I already relieved to have a diagnosis.
Knowledge really is power because as soon as I knew what was causing the pain I understood it.
However, my doctor is good and believes in working with other people. This is how another doctor became involved. This was a “real live one” – someone who I met many years and who has had many, many, many years of experience treating people with my disability.
This doctor performed the gentlest examination I have ever had and declared the excruciating pain to be a bilateral copying of a condition I already had on the other side. Of course, this makes perfect sense to me as when the pain and degeneration started on the other, the symptoms were exactly the same.
Later in the day, the diagnosis was confirmed by x-rays. If it is possible, the x-ray confirmation of the “real live one’s” diagnosis was almost anti-climatic as I already relieved to have a diagnosis.
Knowledge really is power because as soon as I knew what was causing the pain I understood it.
Monday, 14 May 2007
Pain
Sometimes, as we age and change, our bodies betray us. First we might think it is stiffness, then soreness, then we enter the treadmill/s of doctors, tests, questions and very few answers.
For women, it’s hard. The earth and life flow, as energy, through our bodies and when the body hurts this flow is interrupted and redirected. Energy gets blocked by painful parts, or it gets diverted into trying to carry on and adjusting to the pain. The body becomes stressed as there is less energy to accomplish the tasks that women perform everyday.
If you have a body with which you have already had to make compromises, because of differing abilities, energy is already being used (and abused) at a higher rate to get through every day. This alone is exhausting. Then the body decides to add a little change to the mix and this is challenging and painful. Change demands that you surrender control of part/s of your body and what it can do. At first you fight and think, “No, this is not happening”. Then you might try ‘flight’ by taking pain treating medication. (“Pain treating” not ‘pain relieving’ because nothing really gives relief or “pain control”, as doctors like to say. And sometimes you take medication only to find that the effects it has on your mind take more energy than the ‘pain’ itself.)
Boarding the fast moving train of change is like being flung from a sling-shot towards the void of the unknown. When this void is a black hole of pain in a changing body, there are invisible sharp pins, like those used in voodoo, that come hurtling at you at great speeds. These are pins of pain. Originating within the body or joints, they leave a tearing, burning sensation that cannot be seen. It can only be felt. The pain/pins hit you and your body stops. You might want to keep going but you cannot. These invisible pins of pain feel as if they are tearing the flesh from your joints and bones.
If this pain could be seen, it would be red and bleeding torn flesh, with tight bands of sinew and muscle, stretched, sometimes broken. The thing is, it is continuous. There is no calm and healing time. There is only tearing and not tearing and you learn to live with it. You also learn to live with the fatigue it causes and, if it is not the fatigue of the body dealing with pain, there is the fatigue of the drugs you take to try to ease the pain.
This is why, when a surgeon says “we can take that joint out and replace it with metal”, you think ‘yeah, bring it on’. There is almost a sadistic pleasure in knowing that the muscles, nerves and tendons that have been cause the pain are going to be stripped from the joint and sliced and diced at the surgeon’s will.
Where surgery is an option there is the possibility of relief. But some women manage pain, change and life for the latter half of their lives. These are strong women. But then, there is a saying that “What does not kill you makes you stronger”. Sometimes I have thought I would stop breathing and die from the pain…
I haven’t died yet……….so I must be getting stronger.
For women, it’s hard. The earth and life flow, as energy, through our bodies and when the body hurts this flow is interrupted and redirected. Energy gets blocked by painful parts, or it gets diverted into trying to carry on and adjusting to the pain. The body becomes stressed as there is less energy to accomplish the tasks that women perform everyday.
If you have a body with which you have already had to make compromises, because of differing abilities, energy is already being used (and abused) at a higher rate to get through every day. This alone is exhausting. Then the body decides to add a little change to the mix and this is challenging and painful. Change demands that you surrender control of part/s of your body and what it can do. At first you fight and think, “No, this is not happening”. Then you might try ‘flight’ by taking pain treating medication. (“Pain treating” not ‘pain relieving’ because nothing really gives relief or “pain control”, as doctors like to say. And sometimes you take medication only to find that the effects it has on your mind take more energy than the ‘pain’ itself.)
Boarding the fast moving train of change is like being flung from a sling-shot towards the void of the unknown. When this void is a black hole of pain in a changing body, there are invisible sharp pins, like those used in voodoo, that come hurtling at you at great speeds. These are pins of pain. Originating within the body or joints, they leave a tearing, burning sensation that cannot be seen. It can only be felt. The pain/pins hit you and your body stops. You might want to keep going but you cannot. These invisible pins of pain feel as if they are tearing the flesh from your joints and bones.
If this pain could be seen, it would be red and bleeding torn flesh, with tight bands of sinew and muscle, stretched, sometimes broken. The thing is, it is continuous. There is no calm and healing time. There is only tearing and not tearing and you learn to live with it. You also learn to live with the fatigue it causes and, if it is not the fatigue of the body dealing with pain, there is the fatigue of the drugs you take to try to ease the pain.
This is why, when a surgeon says “we can take that joint out and replace it with metal”, you think ‘yeah, bring it on’. There is almost a sadistic pleasure in knowing that the muscles, nerves and tendons that have been cause the pain are going to be stripped from the joint and sliced and diced at the surgeon’s will.
Where surgery is an option there is the possibility of relief. But some women manage pain, change and life for the latter half of their lives. These are strong women. But then, there is a saying that “What does not kill you makes you stronger”. Sometimes I have thought I would stop breathing and die from the pain…
I haven’t died yet……….so I must be getting stronger.
Monday, 30 April 2007
Men and Laws – Women and Knowledge
As the story goes…………….ancients have it and with fiction spun
I’m not religious but this is what was written/said,
“1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.” (John 1:1)
From this comes the assumption, not feast of, that laws were (are, on a percentage basis) made by men, who thought/think they might be channelling some leader (of men).
They carved these laws on stone tablets and worshipped them. Used them to make other men subservient and women goods and chattels to be “owed” and “sold” by men, as Levi-Strauss.
But the law makers grew careless and left their stone tablets lying around.
Enter women
“Yes, you could use the stone tablet to ‘club’ him while he slept……”
Those carvings had symbols that kept repeating and forming patterns. Was it code? Ah, to break the code!
There were lots of symbols for ‘good’, ‘evil’ and ‘power’.
The code seemed to relate to how people should live: rules and laws. Yet, nowhere in this code could the women find reference to their power.
As the women came to understand it more, they saw that the code inferred that the men had power over them! And this made them angry….
….all the more reason for using the stone tablets as weapons on sleeping men.
-----------------
Through the ages
Men have used these laws to abuse and enslave other men and women.
The property of women – well, they had none because it was their fathers’, brothers’, uncles’.
If women wanted to inherit any family estate, she had to marry a man and get him to do it for her.
-----------------
Time moved slowly
Women began to organise themselves and discuss how they could undermine the rules and power of men.
They got educated; took jobs; and formed secret societies.
Men became frightened and tried to write new laws ….
But the women had learned the language used to frame these statutes that the men thought mighty and fought back using the same language.
Present
Women use their knowledge to continue fighting to have the laws applied equally.
A tricky thing has happened, though.
The ideas and ways of sharing information, using the Internet – first developed by the United State Military – led people [They were originally only men.] to starting making information even more available.
Governments wanted to publish their laws and rules.
Guess what?
Women already had computers: for organising workplaces, families and social threads.
Now they could access laws!
They could read laws and know when the makers of laws – men – were breaking them.
Women, thus, found that “Knowledge is Power”
They used their knowledge of laws to form “watch-dogs” and organisations to make men follow the law.
With knowledge and change came respect from others and new laws were writ.
Aaah, the powerful combination of women and knowledge over powers thousands of years of rule by men and laws.
………if only it could occur!
References
John 1:1, “The Deity of Jesus Christ”, 2007. On-line Parallel Bible http://bible.cc/john/1-1.htm (Accessed: 16 April 2007)
I’m not religious but this is what was written/said,
“1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.” (John 1:1)
From this comes the assumption, not feast of, that laws were (are, on a percentage basis) made by men, who thought/think they might be channelling some leader (of men).
They carved these laws on stone tablets and worshipped them. Used them to make other men subservient and women goods and chattels to be “owed” and “sold” by men, as Levi-Strauss.
But the law makers grew careless and left their stone tablets lying around.
Enter women
“Yes, you could use the stone tablet to ‘club’ him while he slept……”
Those carvings had symbols that kept repeating and forming patterns. Was it code? Ah, to break the code!
There were lots of symbols for ‘good’, ‘evil’ and ‘power’.
The code seemed to relate to how people should live: rules and laws. Yet, nowhere in this code could the women find reference to their power.
As the women came to understand it more, they saw that the code inferred that the men had power over them! And this made them angry….
….all the more reason for using the stone tablets as weapons on sleeping men.
-----------------
Through the ages
Men have used these laws to abuse and enslave other men and women.
The property of women – well, they had none because it was their fathers’, brothers’, uncles’.
If women wanted to inherit any family estate, she had to marry a man and get him to do it for her.
-----------------
Time moved slowly
Women began to organise themselves and discuss how they could undermine the rules and power of men.
They got educated; took jobs; and formed secret societies.
Men became frightened and tried to write new laws ….
But the women had learned the language used to frame these statutes that the men thought mighty and fought back using the same language.
Present
Women use their knowledge to continue fighting to have the laws applied equally.
A tricky thing has happened, though.
The ideas and ways of sharing information, using the Internet – first developed by the United State Military – led people [They were originally only men.] to starting making information even more available.
Governments wanted to publish their laws and rules.
Guess what?
Women already had computers: for organising workplaces, families and social threads.
Now they could access laws!
They could read laws and know when the makers of laws – men – were breaking them.
Women, thus, found that “Knowledge is Power”
They used their knowledge of laws to form “watch-dogs” and organisations to make men follow the law.
With knowledge and change came respect from others and new laws were writ.
Aaah, the powerful combination of women and knowledge over powers thousands of years of rule by men and laws.
………if only it could occur!
References
John 1:1, “The Deity of Jesus Christ”, 2007. On-line Parallel Bible http://bible.cc/john/1-1.htm (Accessed: 16 April 2007)
Monday, 2 April 2007
Women and Power-Tools
Why don’t women choose to enter building, plumbing and electrical trades?
This is the question that has begun to circulate in my brain as I try to organise renovations so that we can move into the first home we have purchased. (It’s not a “new house”. It’s our “first house”.) We don’t want much – a ramp, new bathroom and move the toilet.
However, whenever I make phone calls it’s always men who answer the phone and, despite priding themselves on their decision-making prowess, the men taking my phone calls would never start a nuclear war – or any kind of war, for that matter, because they would never make the “decision” to ‘push the button’.
(Here’s where I need a slight disclaimer. We have found a builder who has been good and has given sound advice about rotting walls; using slopes to save distance for the ramp; and saving money on council planning. But then I work with his wife – so there could be a reason for this cooperative behaviour.)
As a person who believes in “evidence-based-practice” I looked at the evidence. It’s damning. Women are not taking trade apprenticeship places. This graph from Women in Australia 2004 (Australian Government: 2004) shows the career directions of young women when they leave school, and it’s blatantly obvious that the ‘Built environment’ and ‘Engineering/processing’ are NOT the chosen careers of young women.
Link to graph
http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43c8d20bz1c51e995/1f62/__sr_/d2c9scd.jpg?phgNPEGB_VdWjxjm
Graph 6.1 Discipline Group, Female Vocational Education and Training Students, 2001*
* Study or training related to a person's career or occupation, or undertaken to improve job or career. Source: National Centre for Vocational Education Research 2002, unpublished data, Annual Apprentice and Trainee Statistics 2002, Adelaide.
The same chapter goes on to show the gender of apprentices between the ages of 15 and 19. Again the great disparity between males and females is obvious.
Link to graph http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43c8d20bz1c51e995/1f62/__sr_/e2f5scd.jpg?phgNPEGBJjhUvQZp
Graph 6.2 Apprentice and Trainee Training Rates* by Sex and Age 15-19 (at 31 December), 1996 to 2002
*Derived from NCVER Apprentice and Trainee statistics and ABS labour force data (December 2002). Training rates are calculated on the basis of employed persons. Source: NCVER, Annual Apprentice and Trainee statistics 2002, unpublished data.
This is the question that has begun to circulate in my brain as I try to organise renovations so that we can move into the first home we have purchased. (It’s not a “new house”. It’s our “first house”.) We don’t want much – a ramp, new bathroom and move the toilet.
However, whenever I make phone calls it’s always men who answer the phone and, despite priding themselves on their decision-making prowess, the men taking my phone calls would never start a nuclear war – or any kind of war, for that matter, because they would never make the “decision” to ‘push the button’.
(Here’s where I need a slight disclaimer. We have found a builder who has been good and has given sound advice about rotting walls; using slopes to save distance for the ramp; and saving money on council planning. But then I work with his wife – so there could be a reason for this cooperative behaviour.)
As a person who believes in “evidence-based-practice” I looked at the evidence. It’s damning. Women are not taking trade apprenticeship places. This graph from Women in Australia 2004 (Australian Government: 2004) shows the career directions of young women when they leave school, and it’s blatantly obvious that the ‘Built environment’ and ‘Engineering/processing’ are NOT the chosen careers of young women.
Link to graph
http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43c8d20bz1c51e995/1f62/__sr_/d2c9scd.jpg?phgNPEGB_VdWjxjm
Graph 6.1 Discipline Group, Female Vocational Education and Training Students, 2001*
* Study or training related to a person's career or occupation, or undertaken to improve job or career. Source: National Centre for Vocational Education Research 2002, unpublished data, Annual Apprentice and Trainee Statistics 2002, Adelaide.
The same chapter goes on to show the gender of apprentices between the ages of 15 and 19. Again the great disparity between males and females is obvious.
Link to graph http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/users/43c8d20bz1c51e995/1f62/__sr_/e2f5scd.jpg?phgNPEGBJjhUvQZp
Graph 6.2 Apprentice and Trainee Training Rates* by Sex and Age 15-19 (at 31 December), 1996 to 2002
*Derived from NCVER Apprentice and Trainee statistics and ABS labour force data (December 2002). Training rates are calculated on the basis of employed persons. Source: NCVER, Annual Apprentice and Trainee statistics 2002, unpublished data.
(Yes, despite the deceptively similar colouring, the bottom line represents the dismally low numbers of women in apprenticeships or trades.)
Another study, this time by the New South Wales Premier’s Department’s Office for Women found that
In the Higher Education sector (which provides degree and graduate courses), 56.6% of students in Australia were women. In 2006, 57.1% of Bachelor’s Degree students were women, and 51% of Postgraduate Degree students were women11. At the lower postgraduate levels, 64% of all persons enrolled in a Graduate Diploma or Graduate Certificate were women, and 51% enrolled in Masters and higher degrees were women.
In 2006, amongst those studying for a qualification in the Higher Education sector in Australia, women made up the majority of students in courses related to Society and Culture (69% of enrolments), Health (72%) and Management and Commerce (55%). Men made up the majority of students studying Engineering and related technologies (90.2% of enrolments in this field) and architecture and building (82.3% enrolments).
The same study also found that
Trade Apprenticeships continue to show an under representation of women. In NSW in 2006, there were 6,576 women in-training as a trade apprentice, comprising only 13.5% of this group.
(NSW Premier’s Department: 2007)
These figures demonstrate that trades are still dominated by men.
It was when I was looking for a tiler that I became acutely aware of the dearth of common sense and decision-making ability. As a thinking person, I KNOW that you need to order the tiles a month in advance to allow for availability. So I wanted a tiler to go and measure the space and tell me how many tiles to order.
I didn’t want the tiler to choose the tiles – just measure the space.
This is what happened
Tiler no 1:
He answered the mobile with a kind of mumbled grunt and (because the conversation was so bland, useless and uncommunicative) I’ll supplement that parody of it that I e-mailed to my partner
….."well I really need to know what the job requires before I can quote. call me in a month. no, no call me in a week. when is the builder starting? yeah, yeah call me when the builder starts so I can go around and have a look. {I like to do 'blokey' stuff and cos I'm simple and can't use a calculator I can't work out a quote 'til I sniff the corners and lick the floorboards or, at least, drag me knuckles around a bit, scratch me balls and grunt whilst leaning on the wall and vaguely touching my penis.} yeah, call me then and I can start about a week from then"……
It was a great relief when a tiler just happened to put his card in our letter box and…he could speak in sentences and even offered to come around and talk about the job. He also offered to go to the house and do a measure and quote.
When we finally do settle the purchase and get the keys to the house, it will be this tiler that I’ll be calling.
This is to say nothing of looking for the fact that I still need to find someone to move the toilet or build a base for the bed. But for that, I do have ‘contacts’ and I’m using them.
All of these interactions highlighted the fact that women are not entering these trades. (Or if they do, they are treated as something of a ‘sceptical’ and featured in News Articles like this on Sarah who went “From soprano to apprentice carpenter at new trade institute” (http://www.skillstech.tafe.qld.gov.au/about_us/media_2006.html#1 Accessed: 2 April 2007).
I could only wish for some clear thinking, organised women to be available as trades people. Maybe sometime in the future…………..
References:
Australian Government, Department of Family and Community Services, Office for Women. 2004. Women in Australia (http://www.ofw.facs.gov.au/publications/wia/chapter6.html Accessed: 2 April 2007)
New South Wales, Premier’s Department, Office for Women. 2007. “Women, Education and Training – New South Wales” (http://www.women.nsw.gov.au/PDF/FS2007/Women,%20Education%20and%20Training_OFW%202007.pdf Accessed: 2 April 2007)
Queensland Government SkillsTech. 2006. Media Releases (TAFE) SkillsTech Australia “From soprano to apprentice carpenter at new trade institute” (http://www.skillstech.tafe.qld.gov.au/about_us/media_2006.html#1 Access: 2 April 2007)
Another study, this time by the New South Wales Premier’s Department’s Office for Women found that
In the Higher Education sector (which provides degree and graduate courses), 56.6% of students in Australia were women. In 2006, 57.1% of Bachelor’s Degree students were women, and 51% of Postgraduate Degree students were women11. At the lower postgraduate levels, 64% of all persons enrolled in a Graduate Diploma or Graduate Certificate were women, and 51% enrolled in Masters and higher degrees were women.
In 2006, amongst those studying for a qualification in the Higher Education sector in Australia, women made up the majority of students in courses related to Society and Culture (69% of enrolments), Health (72%) and Management and Commerce (55%). Men made up the majority of students studying Engineering and related technologies (90.2% of enrolments in this field) and architecture and building (82.3% enrolments).
The same study also found that
Trade Apprenticeships continue to show an under representation of women. In NSW in 2006, there were 6,576 women in-training as a trade apprentice, comprising only 13.5% of this group.
(NSW Premier’s Department: 2007)
These figures demonstrate that trades are still dominated by men.
It was when I was looking for a tiler that I became acutely aware of the dearth of common sense and decision-making ability. As a thinking person, I KNOW that you need to order the tiles a month in advance to allow for availability. So I wanted a tiler to go and measure the space and tell me how many tiles to order.
I didn’t want the tiler to choose the tiles – just measure the space.
This is what happened
Tiler no 1:
He answered the mobile with a kind of mumbled grunt and (because the conversation was so bland, useless and uncommunicative) I’ll supplement that parody of it that I e-mailed to my partner
….."well I really need to know what the job requires before I can quote. call me in a month. no, no call me in a week. when is the builder starting? yeah, yeah call me when the builder starts so I can go around and have a look. {I like to do 'blokey' stuff and cos I'm simple and can't use a calculator I can't work out a quote 'til I sniff the corners and lick the floorboards or, at least, drag me knuckles around a bit, scratch me balls and grunt whilst leaning on the wall and vaguely touching my penis.} yeah, call me then and I can start about a week from then"……
It was a great relief when a tiler just happened to put his card in our letter box and…he could speak in sentences and even offered to come around and talk about the job. He also offered to go to the house and do a measure and quote.
When we finally do settle the purchase and get the keys to the house, it will be this tiler that I’ll be calling.
This is to say nothing of looking for the fact that I still need to find someone to move the toilet or build a base for the bed. But for that, I do have ‘contacts’ and I’m using them.
All of these interactions highlighted the fact that women are not entering these trades. (Or if they do, they are treated as something of a ‘sceptical’ and featured in News Articles like this on Sarah who went “From soprano to apprentice carpenter at new trade institute” (http://www.skillstech.tafe.qld.gov.au/about_us/media_2006.html#1 Accessed: 2 April 2007).
I could only wish for some clear thinking, organised women to be available as trades people. Maybe sometime in the future…………..
References:
Australian Government, Department of Family and Community Services, Office for Women. 2004. Women in Australia (http://www.ofw.facs.gov.au/publications/wia/chapter6.html Accessed: 2 April 2007)
New South Wales, Premier’s Department, Office for Women. 2007. “Women, Education and Training – New South Wales” (http://www.women.nsw.gov.au/PDF/FS2007/Women,%20Education%20and%20Training_OFW%202007.pdf Accessed: 2 April 2007)
Queensland Government SkillsTech. 2006. Media Releases (TAFE) SkillsTech Australia “From soprano to apprentice carpenter at new trade institute” (http://www.skillstech.tafe.qld.gov.au/about_us/media_2006.html#1 Access: 2 April 2007)
Monday, 19 March 2007
the cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER
She didn’t know as she struggled into the, once-to-be-worn, dress that the tugging on her scalp was not caused by the tightly pulled hair and flowers on her head. She thought it was just “pain for beauty” and the anxiety having called people together to witness a ceremony. Subtly pulling, first at her hair, then at her scalp, cutting a small entry point (similar in kind to the small entry point of her vagina. They were all related to the day/event.) through her skull and accessing her neurons was the cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER.
You don’t believe her?
She had already felt the strange, draining sensation as she had been organising the aforementioned “event” but after …..she knew.
There was ‘slack’ to be taken up.
She already paid her power and gas bills. But now she had to organise the investment home loan, the legal aspects of buying a house, mortgage repayments, insurances – including medical insurance because, of course, he wasn’t – groceries, cleaning, ironing, teach him how to cook or give him a reliable recipe book.
She was beginning to feel the strain and the drain on her brain. This having a live-in partner was like having a vacuum cleaner attached to her brain. He started using her brain power and it was like a cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER. When they bought a car, and she bargained the sales person down, it was sport. But when it came to house, loans and life he was sucking her brain dry.
Not her body. Not her sexuality. Not her creativity. It was her he drained.
She tried to instruct him, so he could share the thought-processes needed to progress their life together. But then she became ‘principal doer’ … and instructor, too. So she tried to lead him along. It was hard work and sometimes led to sheer physical exhaustion, where she would just feel that the cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER had sucked her energy levels dry.
It also made her less creative because she had less energy. Doing the “life stuff” as in “Women Do” http://womenandthought.blogspot.com/2006/12/women-do-now-im-trying-really-hard-not.html, took a lot of energy. Yet, she seemed able to produce more energy and started this blog www.womenandthought.blogspot.com
Life continues and she clings to her feminism. Therefore, when he forgot three things in a row, it was like “three-strikes and you’re out”.
They talked it through and he committed to try to live more “in the moment” and remain connected to the real world.
If this sounds like your world, there is a way ahead. All relationships are continuous negotiations and you can say, “no, we need to share the load”.
You don’t believe her?
She had already felt the strange, draining sensation as she had been organising the aforementioned “event” but after …..she knew.
There was ‘slack’ to be taken up.
She already paid her power and gas bills. But now she had to organise the investment home loan, the legal aspects of buying a house, mortgage repayments, insurances – including medical insurance because, of course, he wasn’t – groceries, cleaning, ironing, teach him how to cook or give him a reliable recipe book.
She was beginning to feel the strain and the drain on her brain. This having a live-in partner was like having a vacuum cleaner attached to her brain. He started using her brain power and it was like a cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER. When they bought a car, and she bargained the sales person down, it was sport. But when it came to house, loans and life he was sucking her brain dry.
Not her body. Not her sexuality. Not her creativity. It was her he drained.
She tried to instruct him, so he could share the thought-processes needed to progress their life together. But then she became ‘principal doer’ … and instructor, too. So she tried to lead him along. It was hard work and sometimes led to sheer physical exhaustion, where she would just feel that the cerebraL VACUUM CLEANER had sucked her energy levels dry.
It also made her less creative because she had less energy. Doing the “life stuff” as in “Women Do” http://womenandthought.blogspot.com/2006/12/women-do-now-im-trying-really-hard-not.html, took a lot of energy. Yet, she seemed able to produce more energy and started this blog www.womenandthought.blogspot.com
Life continues and she clings to her feminism. Therefore, when he forgot three things in a row, it was like “three-strikes and you’re out”.
They talked it through and he committed to try to live more “in the moment” and remain connected to the real world.
If this sounds like your world, there is a way ahead. All relationships are continuous negotiations and you can say, “no, we need to share the load”.
Monday, 5 March 2007
AWAs – An Acronym for Abolishing Women’s Awards
Remember “Work Choices”? The Government television advertising promised better, more flexible choices, ‘work choices’ for workers and employers.
Well, the statistics are starting to roll in and employers are getting more flexibility and power, as they negotiate Australian Workplace Agreements that erode the privileges, and hard-fought-for and won gains of workers.
The Your Rights at Work Campaign (http://www.rightsatwork.com.au/), researched and funded by the by the ACTU has released these figures:
51% cut overtime loadings
63% cut penalty rates
64% cut annual leave loading
46% cut Public Holiday payment
52% cut shift work loadings
40% cut rest breaks
46% cut incentive based payments and bonuses
48% cut monetary allowances
36% cut declared public holidays
(ACTU:2007)
While these are an appalling array of loses to any workers, the truth is that they are hitting female employees hardest. Women, who form the majority of the casual and/or part-time work force, are, of course, the majority being affected by the introduction of Australian Workplace Agreements.
This is why this post reframes acronym to the more accurate “Abolishing Women’s Awards”. “Work Choices” and AWAs have abolished the concept of “Award Wages” for women who work as casual or part-time workers.
It is not just the ACTU, a somewhat radical voice, proclaiming this dissolution of working conditions. Academia has also been producing similar results from research into “Work Choices” and AWAs. David Peetz, in The Impact on Workers of Australian Workplace Agreements and the Abolition of the ‘No Disadvantage Test’ found that
"For men, the difference between earnings under the two systems was not significant, but women on AWAs had hourly earnings some 11 per cent less than women on registered collective agreements. This is a noteworthy figure considering Minister Andrews’ earlier claim that women earned nearly a third more on AWAs than on collective agreements. The gender pay gap was worse on AWAs: where as women on registered collective agreements 90 per cent of the hourly pay of men on such agreements, women on AWAs received only of the hourly pay of men on AWAs." (p.11)
Clearly women are either being exploited in the bargaining process or are simply not as experienced and “hard-nosed” at staring bosses in the face and rejecting offers that undermine their pay conditions and economic viability in the workforce – not to mention the fact that the Australian Government undervalues the economic contribution women make to themselves, children, households and the economy.
Or there could be a reason which is being overlooked because it is hidden under cloaks of patriarchal economic values, such as “male bread winner” and the fact that the income of women in relationships is seen as ‘secondary’. This, of course, is not true as a mortgage or rental payments plus lifestyle can no longer be achieved or sustained on a single income.
This blatantly obvious economic fact doesn’t seem to have reached the majority of the male-psyche, although more men are awakening to the economic reality. However, the necessity for women to work, and earn “equal money for equal work” seems to have completely slipped from the economic reality radar of the Howard Government. Perhaps John and Janette should mingle in suburbia and see the impact of declining wages, rises in the cost of housing and childcare and the increasing percentage of weekly earnings spent of commuting costs or petrol.
Now that would make for highly rating reality TV.
Yet, the Australian Government seems determined to ignore the real cost, in negative terms, to workers and, particularly, women. It would seem that Government Ministers and their advisors are no longer reading the newspapers either, as Meaghan Shaw wrote, in the Sydney Morning Herald, on 14 February 2007 that “[t]he impact was particularly harsh for women, whose real ordinary-time earnings fell by 2 per cent in the first six months” after the introduction of “Work Choices” and AWAs. This is just one example of the negative cover received by AWAs and the impact they have on women, yet the Australian Government have stubbornly refused to act to redress the ways in which “Work Choices” actively discriminates against women.
The cynic in me wonders why, as we approach International Women’s Day on 8 March with the theme, at least in Queensland, of “Looking After Yourself at Work”, the Howard Government is actively (further) disenfranchising 53 percent of the population who are women and who vote?
References:
ACTU, “Your Rights At Work” http://www.rightsatwork.com.au/ (Accessed: 5 March 2007)
Peetz, D. (2007) The Impact on Workers of Australian Workplace Agreements and the Abolition of the ‘No Disadvantage Test’ www.econ.usyd.edu.au/download.php?id=4301 (Accessed: 5 March 2007)
Shaw, M. (2007) “Women are hardest hit by workplace laws”, Sydney Morning Herald, 14 February 2007.
Well, the statistics are starting to roll in and employers are getting more flexibility and power, as they negotiate Australian Workplace Agreements that erode the privileges, and hard-fought-for and won gains of workers.
The Your Rights at Work Campaign (http://www.rightsatwork.com.au/), researched and funded by the by the ACTU has released these figures:
51% cut overtime loadings
63% cut penalty rates
64% cut annual leave loading
46% cut Public Holiday payment
52% cut shift work loadings
40% cut rest breaks
46% cut incentive based payments and bonuses
48% cut monetary allowances
36% cut declared public holidays
(ACTU:2007)
While these are an appalling array of loses to any workers, the truth is that they are hitting female employees hardest. Women, who form the majority of the casual and/or part-time work force, are, of course, the majority being affected by the introduction of Australian Workplace Agreements.
This is why this post reframes acronym to the more accurate “Abolishing Women’s Awards”. “Work Choices” and AWAs have abolished the concept of “Award Wages” for women who work as casual or part-time workers.
It is not just the ACTU, a somewhat radical voice, proclaiming this dissolution of working conditions. Academia has also been producing similar results from research into “Work Choices” and AWAs. David Peetz, in The Impact on Workers of Australian Workplace Agreements and the Abolition of the ‘No Disadvantage Test’ found that
"For men, the difference between earnings under the two systems was not significant, but women on AWAs had hourly earnings some 11 per cent less than women on registered collective agreements. This is a noteworthy figure considering Minister Andrews’ earlier claim that women earned nearly a third more on AWAs than on collective agreements. The gender pay gap was worse on AWAs: where as women on registered collective agreements 90 per cent of the hourly pay of men on such agreements, women on AWAs received only of the hourly pay of men on AWAs." (p.11)
Clearly women are either being exploited in the bargaining process or are simply not as experienced and “hard-nosed” at staring bosses in the face and rejecting offers that undermine their pay conditions and economic viability in the workforce – not to mention the fact that the Australian Government undervalues the economic contribution women make to themselves, children, households and the economy.
Or there could be a reason which is being overlooked because it is hidden under cloaks of patriarchal economic values, such as “male bread winner” and the fact that the income of women in relationships is seen as ‘secondary’. This, of course, is not true as a mortgage or rental payments plus lifestyle can no longer be achieved or sustained on a single income.
This blatantly obvious economic fact doesn’t seem to have reached the majority of the male-psyche, although more men are awakening to the economic reality. However, the necessity for women to work, and earn “equal money for equal work” seems to have completely slipped from the economic reality radar of the Howard Government. Perhaps John and Janette should mingle in suburbia and see the impact of declining wages, rises in the cost of housing and childcare and the increasing percentage of weekly earnings spent of commuting costs or petrol.
Now that would make for highly rating reality TV.
Yet, the Australian Government seems determined to ignore the real cost, in negative terms, to workers and, particularly, women. It would seem that Government Ministers and their advisors are no longer reading the newspapers either, as Meaghan Shaw wrote, in the Sydney Morning Herald, on 14 February 2007 that “[t]he impact was particularly harsh for women, whose real ordinary-time earnings fell by 2 per cent in the first six months” after the introduction of “Work Choices” and AWAs. This is just one example of the negative cover received by AWAs and the impact they have on women, yet the Australian Government have stubbornly refused to act to redress the ways in which “Work Choices” actively discriminates against women.
The cynic in me wonders why, as we approach International Women’s Day on 8 March with the theme, at least in Queensland, of “Looking After Yourself at Work”, the Howard Government is actively (further) disenfranchising 53 percent of the population who are women and who vote?
References:
ACTU, “Your Rights At Work” http://www.rightsatwork.com.au/ (Accessed: 5 March 2007)
Peetz, D. (2007) The Impact on Workers of Australian Workplace Agreements and the Abolition of the ‘No Disadvantage Test’ www.econ.usyd.edu.au/download.php?id=4301 (Accessed: 5 March 2007)
Shaw, M. (2007) “Women are hardest hit by workplace laws”, Sydney Morning Herald, 14 February 2007.
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